One day I clicked through the last.fm profiles.
I was wondering who also liked my music so I went to Oasis' last.fm site.
There I clicked on the top listener so I got to person A.
I went on to A's neighbours and got to B, watched along his friendlist and got to C.
I dunno how exactly the way was but at some point I landed at X, Y and person Z, however I got there.
And there was it. There was SHE! It was a 25x25 pixel picture in Z's shoutbox.
I forgot what A's name was, I forgot B's... and so on... and I dunno Z's name.
I even dunno whether Z was female or male.
But I haven't forgot HER name! The name of that girl with the probably cutest face of this fucked up world u can put in just 25x25 goddamn pixels... it was Lieblingskeks
I thought "What can you do? Don't let her be one of those A's to Z's I was zapping through everyday to figure out new music.
Don't go to her friends, neighbourlist or shoutbox, click on the next profile and let her be FORGOTTEN the next moment like all the others!"
Don't misunderstand me... I was not like "Wow, I wanna marry this girl, I love her!"
I was not loving her the way u may think now but however, it was something like "love on first sight". I knew she was a special human.
I thought something like "What can you write? It would be an unreachable dream to get that girl being a part of your life even if it's just through the internet!"
But I didn't know what to do. Putting a "Hey, u're cute" in her shoutbox maybe would have caused her to think "Oh man how poor, just another idiot who wants me in his bed..." or something like that.
I continued considering but I was about to give up and leave her site, coz I won't find something to get in contact with her.
My last thought was "Well I'm leaving now, but even IF, I can't do it without writing ANYTHING, even if it's shit... well... her name is favourite cookie... so I'll ask her whose favourite cookie she is!"
After doing so and leaving that profile (but without forgetting it's name anyway) I thought "Man, how stupid r u?! That was even worse than writing her that cute-stuff!"
Buuut... I dunno how it exactly happened but we got each other in our ICQ lists. It was the 22th dec 2006 when we started writing and it was almost every time the most magical and especially most happy time for me to write with her! =)
I was happy, just happy.
We weren't in a relationship or even in love or something like that but nevertheless MORE than friends. (if that's possibile ;) )
We wrote about everything. (I guess she did so, dunno whether she really did... I did!).
We had arguments sure... but they were small.
Then she had a removal to another house aaand... yeah -> no internet =(
I was about to die... no contact for months!
But someday she was back and I thought "Please let all be like it was before the removal!" and...
...it was even BETTER!
It's no criticism about her behaviour before that removal but, after she got internet again she was even more... cute/gently/carrying about me, how I am and so on.
She made a few of these pics just for me:
I'm not religious but I thought "Thx, god!" =)
But then... we had some kinda silence. It was a misunderstanding and after a week we were writing again.
But something was strange the last few weeks. She wasn't that girl that would make pictures like the one above for me.
It's not that I require that! God no! It was nice enough she made these pics that time. But she really has changed a bit somehow.
However... after a few days of writing it got strange again. I felt she was tired of writing with me and I thought "ok, nobody can force her".
But I wasn't able to resist this condition for more than a week so I asked her what's wrong.
She told me, she's got some real life problems again. She's not that often online anymore. She first has to find herself and get her life ruled.
I said "Ok, whenever u want my help, tell me!" (I knew she won't ever make use of this offer) and "Just write me if it got better and u're happy with your life again and u wanna chat and so on!"
She said "Ok, thank you!"
And thats almost the sad end of the story about the most lovely person I ever gotta know over the internet.
I tried 1-2 more times to write "Hi"... "Hiiii" came back but that was all.
"How r u?" "Fine, thx, and u?", that was all then the conversations ended and she went off (I know she has some ICQ crashes but nevertheless..)
I thought, "Ok... stop writing her. She'll write u when SHE wants it to be like it was in the past... (the glory past.. :( )
But she didn't write, till today... =(
That's not a story I wrote for being commented by u guys. Read it or let it. I just had to write it and post it where I found HER -> last.fmSo let's get to the headline again: What is Sabi? Sabi was and (to me) still IS the most important girl in my live although I'm not in love with her. It's indescribable. She's ma Fairy!! =)
Whenever she wants to write me again, I'm waiting for her. She won't get out of my head or heart. I won't forget her profile name, I won't forget HER!
Sabi I <3 U!Update 08.05.2009
it's like our relationship is cought in a coronal of thorns
I have a dream all night,
It's more than a simple fight!
Unknown forces seem to be against us,
just like a horror bus!
Sometimes I don't know who you are,
What happened so far?
I don't want u to get lost outta my live ma sweet
What fuckin' else than u do I need?
I realised u won't ever become my bliss,
(but no matter what happens)
your ma favourite cookie, oh miss...