måndag 2 Feb 2009, 10:30

A lot of people think sweat shops are bad. To them I give a hearty "fuck you!" and an exuberant flip of the bird. What the hell do people bitch about sweat shops for? Here are just a few of the great services they offer:
They keep kids busy - Seriously, kids need something to do with their time. If they're not living in a country which provides public education for them, they may as well be making a buck (in some cases, a buck a week) for their families. Honestly, if the kids can't go to school and if they don't have their own land on which to raise food, what the hell else are they gonna do? Sit at home and fuck around until mom and dad get home from a long day's work and have to put up with their bullshit? Fuck that. I say put the little bastards to work.
They provide cheap goods by taking advantage of the exchange rate - Everyone's heard all those sob stories about people making thirty cents an hour and bitch bitch bitch, whine whine whine. The fucking pussies who pull out this old chestnut and act like it's some sort of evidence whenever there's a debate about sweat shops need to take a step back and examine reality. You know why these people are making so little per hour? Because the exchange rate has such a fucking drastic difference between American currency and Third World currency. In Bangkok, a bachelor's degree in computer science will land you a job which pays four American dollars for an eight-hour work day. That's fifty cents an hour, for those of you who went through the American public school system. Who's being oppressed here? No one. The simple fact is, people like to bitch about how overseas jobs get paid so little because they like to pretend that Americans are some sort of oppressive overlords; in reality, American corporations are providing jobs for foreign citizens with comparable pay to what they would be getting anyway. Not only that, but since they save so much on labor they get to provide a less expensive product to the American consumer. That means that I can got into a corporate store like Wal-Mart, find a cheaper product of decent workmanship, and steal it!
They take away jobs from white trash - I don't know if this is true or not, but I certainly hope it is. If I had my way, I would make it mandatory for every American corporation to move their factories overseas. If there's any group of people that doesn't deserve any sort of job whatsoever, it's white Americans. Goddammit, just thinking about them is pissing me off. I know it's quite the rage nowadays to pretend that hard-earned money is somehow being stolen from the American proletariat because of jobs being exported overseas, but the simple fact is that, in addition to my previous two reasons, sweat shops are great because they allegedly take jobs away from white Americans who don't work for shit. I say this as a white American; we are the laziest people when it comes to factory work. Why? Because we fucking believe that for some reason we have better things to be doing with our time than whatever it is we're doing. If I were ever a human resources manager for a factory, I would hire only Mexicans, because the greatest workers I've ever known have been Mexicans. I've said it before and I'll say it again - white people suck.
Whenever I see something on TV from that fat fuck Michael Moore showing his "hometown of Flint, Michigan", I want to track that bastard down and beat him to death with his own self-inflated ego. Moore's documentaries tirelessly emphasize his belief that, since the factory moved away from Flint, the citizens of Flint somehow are not to blame for their current state of squalor. Fuck that. This is fucking America - no one's forcing these people to stay where they are or keeping them from obtaining training for a better job. If life is so harsh for them, they should move overseas to where the jobs are. What's that? You don't want to go to a foreign country where you don't speak the language and don't know anybody in order to get a steady job? Maybe you'll think next time before you bitch about Mexicans "stealing your job", you white trash piece of shit. Some people have it a lot worse than you do, so shut the fuck up and go back to stuffing your face with Pizza Rolls.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah…
Sweat Shops Rule - At least, they do for me. Sure, maybe they're taking away jobs from Americans, but the fact is that most Americans don't deserve a job anyway. Americans suck. The only adverse effect sweat shops have had, as far as I can see, is the fact that they have inspired white trash to put up signs which proclaim"Export tires, not jobs" in their unmown lawns next to their rusted pickup that no longer runs. Yeah, right. As if that's even feasible. I'm sure that executives for tire companies like Firestone are slapping themselves on the forehead right now and screaming, "Goddammit! That's brilliant! I know exactly what to do - we'll make the tires here in the U.S., where we have to pay our employees at least $7 an hour, then we'll pay the cost of shipping to have them exported to a developing country, since any country with an economy comparable to the U.S. is going to be able to manufacture their own tires anyway, and we'll try to sell them at a price that will help us break even and at the same time will make our product affordable to these people! It's fucking brilliant!"
The fact is, corporations have sweat shops and overseas factories because that's the only way to participate in a global market - you make your product where it's cheap, then you ship it to where it's expensive. It's simple logic. That's why sweat shops rule.

If you're some sort of white trash bastard who believes that foreigners are somehow stealing your job, shut the fuck up and bring me a drink. I'll even pay you ten cents an hour to do it.