måndag 2 Feb 2009, 10:07

To Whom It May Concern:

I realize that it makes you feel better as a person and gives you an overall more secure sense of self-worth to claim that I only used you for sex; however, a statement such as this one is complete slanderous bullshit, and I would appreciate it if you stopped.
To the One Night Standers: I know that you're pissed because we were never officially "dating" when we had sex, and that I didn't consider you worthy of the time it would have taken me to get to know you on something more than a superficial level. However, that's you're fault, not mine. Perhaps if you were a more interesting person I would have taken the time to get to know the "real you" before I snuck out of your room at three in the morning with my shoes in my hand. Maybe if you had given any indication at all of being worth my time I wouldn't have gone back to the same shitty party where I picked you up and picked up another woman in order to wash the your taste out of my mouth. If we both had some self-respect, we know that this wouldn't have happened, so stop pretending like I took advantage of you while you were in a state of complete alcoholic irresponsibility after you drank half a glass of shitty keg beer; I didn't. Remember, you were the ones who suggested that we "go someplace else", not me. Reevaluate the situations - who was using whom?
To the Women I Got to Know Fairly Well: You were definitely worth the time it took to get to know you. I didn't ever regret our conversations, and I think you're all great people. However, I think that your bullshit is what killed our friendships, not my alleged one-track mind. When we started sleeping together, I made damn sure that you knew what this was. I never claimed to be faithful to you, and I wasn't. I can't think of a single one of you I was "faithful" to. I told you that we were friends who would fuck, and we were. You were completely informed. I didn't hold anything back from you. However, when you started demanding that I sleep over or gave me a jealous look when I talked to other girls, then it was over. I decided that sleeping together was too much of a strain on our friendship. When the sex stopped, you stopped our friendship. It wasn't the other way around. Think about this for a second: who was using whom for sex there? Certainly not me. Please stop lying to yourself and claiming that I was only interested in you for sex. You seem to so easily neglect the months we knew each other prior to the sex. If you really think that I waited that long just so we could have a couple of thirty-second romps in your bed, you are mistaken. I like you as a person. Well, I did until you turned into a bitching self-loving blame-externalizing fuckrod. Also, I'd like to point out that not one of you had to be talked into sex with me. You all did that willingly enough. It was talking you out of the sex that was the hard part.
To the Women I Was Dating When I Slept With Them: None of this applies to you.

I'm sick of you all claiming that I was just into you for the sex. I didn't rape anyone; you were all willing participants. Stop being such a bunch of fucking whiners - if I wanted to have sex with crybabies I'd go hang around the kindergarten jungle gym like my creepy uncle.

Oh yeah, I forgot that there are a couple of you whose names I don't know…I did just use you for sex. Deal with it.

P.S. Bring me a drink. That way I can be using you for sex and bar service.