I am Feeling...

 
    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 17 nov 2011, 03:20
    Good, for after a two-and-a-half month stint on the front lines of the streets, roughing it outside of churches and various doorways and braving the hostile environment of Portland's cheapest hostel, I shall be returning to the folds of Home where three valves of my one Heart is.
    *The Joyce isn't really hostile...*



    I saw my first bedbug today...on my roomies bed. It was dead and plump. It looked like this:


    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
    • nabraxas sa...
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    • 18 nov 2011, 06:51
    Actual size? Was he feasting on black meat atop a breathing typewriter a la Cronenberg's 'Naked Lunch'?

    Well, I am feeling like some recently lost reasons for getting out of bed are beginning to return again. Like my reeling mind has managed to grasp an olive branch before the all-consuming maelstrom claimed it. (This is an explicit dramatization based on actual events. Should this have been an actual emergency, I surely would not have been writing about it in an online forum.)

    Those that hear not the music, think the dancers mad.
    • [Raderad användare] sa...
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    • 18 nov 2011, 21:53
    I am feeling quite happy because it's the weekend. I'm thinking about buying christmas presents soon. I think my dad will get a tie and socks. the ultimate gift!!!

    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 20 nov 2011, 06:04

    Christmas Presence

    I am feeling fabulous, though I am coming down with whatever it is that plagues my throat when winter arrives. In my ears: Mournful Congregation, like sad, melted butter (with a little honey mixed in).

    Synonyms for fabulous: 10, A-1, A-OK, aces, astonishing, astounding, awesome, best, breathtaking, cool*, doozie, extravagant, fab, fantastic, fictitious, first-class, greatest, groovy*, immense, inconceivable, incredible, legendary, marvelous, mind-blowing*, out-of-sight, out-of-this-world, outrageous, peachy*, phenomenal, primo, prodigious, rad, remarkable, spectacular, striking, stupendous, super, superb, terrific, top drawer, tops, turn-on, unbelievable, unreal, wicked

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 28 mar 2012, 08:02
    I forgot why I ended up here in the first place...
    Oh.
    Okay. I "got it."
    Today I clicked on my PCC email link and found to my surprise this message, copied and pasted here to this intimate group of e-friends:

    "Hi Samuel

    Your efforts for the entire term and your results have provided a clear picture of your dedication as a student.
    You have met the fundamental requirements for passing Math 65 and I have issued a grade for you that you have earned. You may view your grade using MyPCC [...]
    Good luck to you in your future educational pursuits and I hope to be your instructor or to work with you in the Learning Center in the near future."


    He's one of the best instructors ever! Really. Not because he's passing me on to the ranks of intermediate algebra, but because he is the most patient dude I've ever witnessed wielding a felt marker.
    I feel pretty fucking good receiving this message because I had to miss a week and a half of class, including the final--which is supposed to be the majority of our passing grade.
    I feel like I didn't waste a shitload of government funds that have already been spent on my education and this feels good.

    Another feeling: I've earned almost thirty dollars as an MTURK and I feel like the new iPad is within sight. Just give me a few more months of answering trivial surveys.
    Thanks for reading : )

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.


  • Divine.

    When one is unable to love oneself, one cannot love another. This is what separates us from one another. A void in the heart is a void in society....An ever-increasing gap between human individuals.
  • ... like a target?


    • nabraxas sa...
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    • 13 maj 2012, 01:24

    Your secret surprises are bottomless wellsprings of ecstasy...

    For this writing to be capable of fulfilling as many unrequested requisites and desires as possible (not only mine, as if such an absurd notion should be deeply questioned) it firstly must avoid focusing on the fluency of manmade language outside of respecting the immediate curbs and keys of the program. It is no question of deserving or earning the right to weild the tool, as many anxious gods have modestly emoted, quivering before the bounds of entrance. The importance of writing for one's self is in the very corporation of the construct: The Words, though typed in crude black pitches, can be transmuted by love. Innocent yet cruelly demanding, if it's the only job application in the stack then there is no use in pasting and cutting gains or losses. My neighbors insist upon proofreading the first edition before the presses are heated, but I refuse to lean on their kind suggestions, appreciating the sentiment with interest. Not this time. Knots are firmly secured behind me, bringing inevitable change to tension. The deep end is furthest from detectable edges, the breaking point of theoretical strings. We are mutually responsible for treading into our own presence, incrementally punctuating the pauses with tocks. Ritual extermination of seeds, playing border control for the invisible child.

    Those that hear not the music, think the dancers mad.
    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 13 maj 2012, 04:28
    Very warm and worn, like my body has been used quite a lot in the last few days.

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
  • Re: Your secret surprises are bottomless wellsprings of ecstasy...

    nabraxas said:


    For this writing to be capable of fulfilling as many unrequested requisites and desires as possible (not only mine, as if such an absurd notion should be deeply questioned) it firstly must avoid focusing on the fluency of manmade language outside of respecting the immediate curbs and keys of the program. It is no question of deserving or earning the right to weild the tool, as many anxious gods have modestly emoted, quivering before the bounds of entrance. The importance of writing for one's self is in the very corporation of the construct: The Words, though typed in crude black pitches, can be transmuted by love. Innocent yet cruelly demanding, if it's the only job application in the stack then there is no use in pasting and cutting gains or losses. My neighbors insist upon proofreading the first edition before the presses are heated, but I refuse to lean on their kind suggestions, appreciating the sentiment with interest. Not this time. Knots are firmly secured behind me, bringing inevitable change to tension. The deep end is furthest from detectable edges, the breaking point of theoretical strings. We are mutually responsible for treading into our own presence, incrementally punctuating the pauses with tocks. Ritual extermination of seeds, playing border control for the invisible child.


    <3

    toc / / toc / / toc ....


    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 28 jun 2012, 06:55
    *haha

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
  • Think Imma like it there ..


  • Degraded & disabused >_<

  • Disappointed ):

    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 13 okt 2012, 16:52
    Hungry

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
  • Attitudinally adjusted ☺

    • nabraxas sa...
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    • 17 okt 2012, 21:00
    I feel fine unless I try to exhale from my nose, which is an impossible feat.


    Those that hear not the music, think the dancers mad.
    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 18 okt 2012, 04:07
    I am feeling empathetic.

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
    • nabraxas sa...
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    • 22 dec 2012, 01:49
    I was just feasting on some toasted mini bagels with cream cheese accompanied by plump green olives stuffed with garlic and soaked (not the correct culinary term) in chardonnay. I did this while hungry enough to appreciate it and easily laughed off a small urge to excuse the act by mode of pure perfunction, much less to even seriously regard it. The complementary combination of tastes that I chose were SO delicious that I unconsciously allowed those little moans to escape me. The types of sounds that seem to possess their own voice as they mysteriously emanate from your own distracted cords. The same fathomless deep tones that can be heard reverberating off the bedroom walls of lovers locked in consummation. The same sound may signify pain or pleasure to a blind audience, but neither is ever without the other. Everything creates the absence of everything. We mercifully deny our minds from understanding absolute degrees of contradiction outside of abstraction. Historically, the pursuit of knowledge has often been intimately linked to sinful self-gratification yet, conversely, ignorance wears the veil of death. To live passionately and freely is to hold up the beloved in utter reverence and there is no more complete act.

    Those that hear not the music, think the dancers mad.
    • nabraxas sa...
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    • 7 feb 2013, 22:11
    stoned

    Those that hear not the music, think the dancers mad.
    • BoT___ sa...
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    • 8 feb 2013, 06:04
    Buoyant

    He who cannot learn to fly higher should learn to fall faster.
    • nabraxas sa...
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    • 8 feb 2013, 11:28
    I feel like I should present you with what I originally posted here several hours ago, before I edit/replaced it simply with the word "stoned" (which I most certainly was, at the time):
    When I begin thinking things, often under the aid of a certain good influence, I have complex, highly organized thoughts that require a staggering amount of maintenance. The parts of my ego involved in such thoughts want to color it and dress it up in an effort to present them to the "outside" world. But what if the front yard is actually in your living room? What if somebody is in your house right now? It can only be because you let them in. There's no such thing as an intruder, unless you are just consciously ignoring them. We choose not to think of criminals because if we relate too much, then we may do wrong. I'm "having" to write this about myself in the same way as somebody "has to be" awake. We use vehicles like "abstraction" and "projection" to get far away from here. And EVERY time I say "we", I really mean "me". Whoops, I'm getting stuck up on using "quotation marks" around everything. It takes a little focus for me to talk to this stranger that is "not me" or "everybody that isn't me". This way of talking would disappoint a lot of you random conglomeration of Facebookies lurking behind my future potential. I embrace you, Chance or Cherry. Who names their daughter Cherry? I'm getting way off track. Typing to you, thinking to myself, typing to you, thinking to myself, typing to you, thinking to myself, typing to you, thinking to myself... You don't get full coverage. Don't trust your news anchor. Anchors away! I'm a false prophet. Prophecy doesn't allow for it's elucidator to stand in front of the light, acting as nothing but a silly shadow puppet. Okay, I have to get back to stretching a canvas in order to bring it to class in order to be with people in order to maybe meet you, Hope. A name in a bottle, sent out to the sea of information be received in full by you or lost, dissolved into too many grains of glass...........
    I posted the same drivel on Farcebook and received a couple trickles of awkward feedback before I retracted it.
    God help me, I think may be going utterly insane :-P

    Those that hear not the music, think the dancers mad.
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