Forum » General Discussion

Tell us your best joke

 
    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 7 apr 2011, 07:12
    My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "I have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "You've won my trust"

    ... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car.

    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 22 apr 2011, 23:20
    What is the difference between a French kiss and a Belgian Kiss?

    A Belgian kiss has more Flem

  • Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    Because it was dead.

  • Why do ducks have flat feet? So they can stomp out forest fires.

    Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stomp out burning ducks

    I used to celebrate Christmas.... then I took an arrow to the knee.
    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 5 maj 2011, 13:04
    I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

    At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

  • Isn't it ironic that fish are now eating raw Japanese.............

    • JNHNDRK sa...
    • Användare
    • 5 maj 2011, 16:12
    :D

    Edited by JNHNDRK on 14 Aug 2481, 18:32
  • A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket when the husband picks up a crate of Stella and sticks it into the trolley. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife. “They’re on offer, only £10 for 24 cans”, he says. “Put them back. We can’t afford it,” says the wife and they carry on shopping… A few aisles she picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband. “It’s my face cream, it makes me look beautiful,” she says. Then the husband replies… “SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT’S HALF THE F***ING PRICE”

    "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...
    Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 16 maj 2011, 23:22
    Got a phone call from my mate last night. He had just got back from a day out in London and told me that whilst there he'd acquired a brand new top of the range camera absolutely free.

    I asked,''Where did you get that?''

    He said, ''I met a very nice family from Japan whilst I was in Trafalgar square and was just passing the time of day with them. After a few minutes I was about to go when the Male member of the family asked me if I would mind taking a photograph of them and handed me his camera. They lined up as a group against one of the lions and were all smiling at the camera. Just as I was about to click the button I shouted WAVE and they all rushed past me and I never saw them again!!''

    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 17 maj 2011, 03:26
    Q: In Belgium, what does it say on the milk carton where it normally says "Open here"?

    A: "Open at home"

    • stephtar sa...
    • Användare
    • 17 maj 2011, 04:54
    this ones cheesy but i love it..

    What did the brown chicken say to the brown cow?
    Brown-chicka-brown-cow. :)

    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 17 maj 2011, 16:52
    Canada.

    America's Wales.

    • Neythiry sa...
    • Användare
    • 23 maj 2011, 08:30
    Ewan McGregor and Ryan Giggs walk into a pub but by law I'm not allowed to tell anybody what happened. #superinjunction    

    ♥ ♪♫ ♥ “Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music” ♥ ♪♫ ♥

    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 23 maj 2011, 10:55
    What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

    Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

  • Two surrealists walk into a bar AND THEN THEIR MONKEYS FLY INTO A CAR MADE OF STRAWBERRY ICE-CREAM THAT'S REALLY BREAD!

    • [Raderad användare] sa...
    • Användare
    • 25 maj 2011, 20:17
    To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake. Like on the seventh day God looked down, "There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways, now I can rest...Oh my Me! I left fuckin' pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day, but if I leave pot everywhere, that's gonna give people the impression they're supposed to …USE IT! Now I have to create Republicans."

  • Q: What's the difference between ignorance and indifference?

    A: I don't know and I don't care.

    • Kennoth sa...
    • Användare
    • 27 maj 2011, 21:46
    So a seal walks into a club...

    Change is coming through my shadow. My shadow's shedding skin, I've been picking my scabs again.

    • elencep sa...
    • Användare
    • 6 jun 2011, 09:26
    I just come up with this week ago:

    Why is Beyonce shaking her ass all the time??
    Because she needs to shit all the time.
    ( shake before use:) )

  • ^ Don't quit your day job ;P

    Redigerad av burger-king den 6 jun 2011, 10:43
    • Velj_ko sa...
    • Användare
    • 6 jun 2011, 09:49
    elencep said:
    I just come up with this week ago:

    Why is Beyonce shaking her ass all the time??
    Because she needs to shit all the time.
    ( shake before use:) )
    HAHAHA!

  • kissesneverdie said:
    Q: What's the difference between ignorance and indifference?

    A: I don't know and I don't care.


    LOL.

  • Barocky Road

    In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road ." Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

    The cost is $100.00 per scoop. When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.

    You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

    Are you stimulated?

  • ^is that a joke? kinda reminds me of another "joke" where you superimpose the head of a politician on a chimp family. seems any joke above is on the teller.

    anyways ... did you know the big advantage of having an emo lawn?

    it cuts itself.

    one world one people
  • I recently bought a pack of sausages from Tesco with a picture of Jamie Oliver on the front. On the back it reads 'Prick with a fork'. I admire their honesty.

Anonyma användare kan inte skriva inlägg. Vänligen logga in eller skapa ett konto för att göra inlägg i forumen.